I'm trying to get rid of all the clutter and things I don't need around the house. I felt the need to just keep what I use and just learn to let go. I have a hard time letting go of things, not only things, of people too and feelings like love and anger.
As I was organizing some things, I saw piles and piles of letters from old loves and friends from the place where I grew up.These letters are filled with love, promises, sadness, happiness and longing. These letters kept me sane being so far away from home. It gave me hope, It gave me something to look forward to. Getting the mail from the mailbox in that tiny mail room on the first floor of our apartment building was the highlight of my day.
I wrote to them like a diary. Writing something each day for weeks before finally putting it in an envelope to mail it. That was before the internet and the only way to communicate was overseas calls that were so expensive and snail mail.
I would put a stamp on my letters and put them in the outgoing mail box for the mailman to mail for me. I remember one day, when I went to the mail room to see If I had letters in the mail box I saw one of my letters on the floor, ripped open. I wrote the letters in that envelope for days and there it was laying on the floor and it was like my whole heart was ripped out of my chest for everyone to see. I picked it up and cried and cried on my bed and after I cried, I rewrote everything on the letter to mail it.
I know I have to learn to let go of things but I don't think these would be some of them. These are a part of me that I'm just not willing to let go. At least, not yet.
I miss getting letters and sending letters. Things are so different now. Some of my old friends are just a click away and a chat away but I feel like they are farther from me now than how they were during those days when we wrote letters to one another.
My good friend suggested that we do a cleansing diet. We were feeling a bit heavy and clothes didn't fit right.
I also would often hide in sweaters and pajamas because I hated looking at my missing curves. I stayed on the couch and just watched movies all day. I was devouring cupcakes from the moment I open my eyes and even finding myself in the kitchen with a plate full of rice and meat at 12 midnight before heading to bed. I can no longer count how many times I've had sleepless nights with a terrible heartburn. Buffets here and there. Milk Tea boba every afternoon. What was I doing to myself? I ate like a man. No, I ate like three men. Food had become my friend and then my enemy. I realized it has got to stop.
So for three days now, I've only been eating fruits and veggies. I've never eaten anything with a lot of color before except for cake with sprinkles or cupcakes with pretty frosting (it's amazing that I don't salivate while typing those). Although, I was once a vegetarian for a short while, that was different because I mostly ate veggie dogs and cheese. This time, all I ate were fruits, veggies and drank black coffee and water. Absolutely no sugar, except for natural sugars found in fruits. We bought so many fruits and veggies that there was no place to eat on at our dining table. Our fridge was full too and so was our kitchen counter. We spent around $160 for everything, not even half of what we would have usually spent on junk and meat. My 15 year old twin daughters joined me but gave up on day 2 but I stuck with it. I am now on Day 3. This cleansing diet is supposed to be for one whole week. I believe I will finish it with flying colors, I swear I deserve a golden medal. I feel so good that I might keep eating healthier and eating smaller, frequent meals instead of big, frequent meals.
I've never consumed this much fruits and veggies in my life. I've even finished a dozen mangoes in just 1 1/2 days by making mango/orange smoothies using only mango and 100% OJ. I hated mango. I hated fruits but I think that has changed. I think I just fell in love.
There are many changes that I feel and changes that I see. I never took my weight so I don't know how much I lost. I know it's not much but I do feel lighter inside. My skin is also smoother and I'm a lot calmer, less hyper, less anxious. I feel awesome. And most of all, I lost my sugar cravings and junk cravings. I could watch 'best thing I ever ate' all day and not feel like a starving wolf staring at it's prey. My hair feels different, not dry like before and I slept better at nights too. So I guess, after this one week plan, like I said I will eat better. I don't ever want to feel like how I felt before this.
The best cupcakes I've ever had in my life. We used to drive so far just to get cupcakes, little did I know that the best ones are only a few minutes away from our house! I have tried their cupcakes before but it didn't blow my mind but this time it was just crazy good! The frosting was so light and not overtly sweet and these cupcakes are gigantic!
Here, are pictures I took from my son's picture day and pizza party in school.
(click to enlarge photos)
And an Alice in Wonderland painting I did for my daughter. She drew it and I painted it. I have not painted in many years! So I apologize for the imperfectness (hehe, is there even such a word? If not then there should be). I used to paint but there are many forms of art that came between us.
I am currently Spring cleaning. It is liberating to let go of stuff we don't need and use. There is still so much to do here, I'm thinking of painting the walls and moving things around.
Sometimes, change can do us good.
They left for Vancouver last Thursday. How fast those 2 weeks went by!
I was surprised that my son didn't cry when they left. He usually doesn't take goodbyes lightly but I think now, he understood that they had to go home and that they have their own house somewhere.
I hope next time, we can visit them in Vancouver.
Still busy around here. Like I mentioned in the last post, my nieces and nephew are here for a two week vacation from Vancouver. We've been running around town, eating like there's no tomorrow and hanging out with people we love.
I honestly think I gained around 10 lbs. from the past week alone. My mom has been cooking a feast and I just can't stop myself.
Look at my dessert plate above. One of the two plates I had that day.
Let me just say, it was worth the extra pounds! It was just Divine (yes with a capital D)
I promise to do some yoga, pilates or something that does not involve a lot of sweating.
And I am crossing my fingers that I lose this extra baggage (and a little more) sooner than I expect.
When we came into the classroom, he was seated on the rug and then he walked to us, his dad carried him and he couldn't stop kissing his dad. It almost made me cry. As if he was so thankful we came back for him.The teacher said he only cried for three minutes. He played with the kids then when it was time to line up, he tried to run away but the teacher caught him. She said he did pretty good for a first timer. He also ate his breakfast though very slowly.
This was his first art work from school. It's now posted on our fridge. I hope I can frame it or find a way to preserve this fruit loops X art.
He's now 4 1/2 years old, he started school pretty late because he learned how to potty only recently but he started reading even before he could speak, sounding all the animal sounds or acting them out when we let him read the words. He started counting in three languages right before he turned three, he also is very good using the computer and he began using the computer before he could say his first words. He is very advanced but he never went to daycare and preschool so we were very worried when we left him alone there today. We are so proud of him, of how he took it so well. This is really it, he's officially a big boy now!
When I asked him if he missed us, he said he tried to think of fun things so he won't be sad. Smart Kid! I should learn from this little guy! I might do just that when I'm sad :)
This little guy started pre school today. Here is his photo from this morning. He was crying when we left but the teacher said he's doing quite well now. I almost cried while we were driving away but I had to fight it off.
I am still in denial, it seems like only yesterday when we were driving home from the hospital and now he's on his own... For four long hours.
I wonder if he's thinking about us. I wonder what's going on in his mind. I wonder what his reaction would be when we come and pick him up. I'm so excited to see him.
1 hour to go.
Update: After much contemplation about this video and it's objective, it makes me realize that there are so many other things that they could use the money for instead of using it for posters, banners, shirts and so on. I completely understand that they want to make Kony famous but there are other ways to do just that, to reach more people without using things like banners and posters that are eventually going to end up in our landfills. They can rent blimps in every city, penetrate the media and show a clip, do talks in schools. My kids don't know about Kony and I don't think they would google it if they see banners posted around the city. There are so many ways to help out without using more stuff that would in the end pollute our planet. We don't need any more of those. We have enough trash that is visible from outer space.
Are we really making Kony famous? or the people behind this documentary? Just saying.
I came across this website and I wanted to share them with all of you. It's truly worth a read. I think that a lot of us tend to dwell on the wrong things that inhibit us to do great things. Everyone, all of us! are capable of doing amazing things but we are the ones who are stopping ourselves. I think, no I believe, it's time to move forward and not look back! And let's all stop changing other people and begin changing ourselves. Please put down that tv remote right now and start reading. It would do you good. 30 things to stop doing to yourself 30 things to start doing to yourself
We rarely go out but when I saw River yesterday in the mountains, I think it's time to 'unplug' (meaning less computer) and hang out more with nature. Since he was as young as the first few years that he began walking, he had been picking up leaves, flowers and dried leaves for me. (I meant to press them and then frame them or tape them in a book but I never got around to doing that. I know I'll regret that when he gets older. Actually I already regret it now). I should have known then how much he loves nature but I didn't or I didn't pay much attention. I think kids naturally love being outdoors, they are equipped to have dirt inside their nails or their hair, I honestly think that they NEED nature to boost their immune system. I don't know what happened but modern day parents seemed to have settled to electronics like tv, ipads and computers as the best past time for their children. Ahem, I'm as guilty as anyone can get. I went to the mall last December for the tree lighting and I was appalled by all the children around me from as young as 6 months old and above,all glued on ipads and phones, watching their favorite shows while the parents chit chat with other parents. What have we become as parents, nurturing the future leaders of this planet? Oh how I hated what I saw, how they are missing out looking at all the beauty around them, the Christmas lights, the Santa's house, the gigantic tree in front of them. They were all oblivious to the beauty that surrounds them and the parents seem to be so happy that they have found the best baby sitters for their children so they can go about their lives. TV shows are raising our children, how sad and parents work to buy the best toys, the best gear for their kids, I mean, do the kids really need those? I truly think that kids would not mind if they rode in a brand new car or a good enough car or if they had the best expensive toy or if they just ran around in the backyard or park. I think we've completely messed up the concept of their needs and what we want for them (and ourselves) and I think that's a bit selfish, don't you think so? I saw this billboard on the way to the store one day and since then, I feel a certain guilt inside me that I cannot shake off. This campaign is just too strong to ignore and I know a lot of parents have the same sentiments that I do after seeing this billboard. I am so guilty that there are times that I refuse to look up but then I find myself looking up and having that same feeling I felt the first time I saw it.    Could you accept this challenge with me? If you in any way a parent like I am? Stay away from the malls and walk outdoors and breathe in fresh air instead? Skip the indoor playground and choose the outdoor park? Refuse to buy toys for awhile and make some handcrafted ones? together? Unplug and discover nature? pick up leaves, pine cones, branches instead of lego pieces? Skip the fancy restaurants and let them eat like kids. Look up in the sky, look for cloud figures or count the stars instead of looking down at the phone screen watching wow wow wubzy? We can do this, I know we can and I think we will be raising happier kids that way. Kids who actually nap in the afternoons and sleep early at nights. I am mostly talking to myself while writing this but if this entry kind of strikes some nerve in you then maybe you are like me. So, why not make this year very different from the past years and just do what the kids would enjoy and not what we would enjoy and someday, when we see what we've reaped, kids who aren't materialistic, kids who are healthy and happy, kids who are simple and kind, I could go on and on then we can give ourselves a pat in the back. That is what good parenting is about. I truly think, that society has messed up with our brains and told us that success is how much money we have in the bank or what level of education we have finished. Is that really what success is about? Is success being in a job you hate? Being with a boss you want to strangle? Having a ton of credit cards you can use to buy things you don't need? What is success to you? To me, success is being a household name, writing books, my photographs landing in magazines and websites and having this dream inside me is taking away time from my kids but this morning I woke up with a different desire inside of me and that desire is what my kids desire as if fate allowed me to borrow it for a minute and look inside them and experience their wants, their needs. Yes, I still have a dream for myself that I want to achieve but I think that my children should come first. When we brought these kids to this world, our dreams are just secondary to their needs. That rarely happens. They set their needs on the sidelines to accommodate what we want for our lives and then we attend to them on our free time. Parenting had become a chore. Parenting had become an occasional thing. We have a desire so high that we bury ourselves with work so we can achieve that one goal, we pay strangers to raise our children so we can do what we want, turn on the tvs and computers so we can work on things that would put more money inside our pockets. Let me ask the same question again, what have we become? I think true success to me is having joy inside you that no one can ever shake off of you, being able to raise kids who would be great husbands and amazing fathers or daughters who would be amazing wives and mothers. Why raise a child who becomes a rich miserable employer who treats his employees like crap? Is that success to you? Why raise a child who thinks that expensive bags and shoes are the mere reason of her existence? Is that success to you? I don't know about you but I think 2012 is the time to unplug. There is nothing wrong with being wealthy. I want that for my kids too but I think that is just secondary to having a heart inside their chest and having a smile on their face. I want to raise kids who actually love the jobs that they are doing and go home to a happy family who actually eat together at dinner and that's when I know I am an awesome mother. That is true success to me. So beginning today, I will minimize the use of my computer and play more. Go out more and enjoy the outdoors. My children are more important than any dream I have.
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